A businessman was attending a conference in Africa. He had a day off from meetings and wanted to play a round of golf and was directed to a golf course nearby that bordered the jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could get out for 18 holes.
“Sure,” said the pro, “What is your handicap?”
Not wanting to admit that he was an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. “Well, I’m a 16,” said the businessman, “but what does it matter since I’ll be playing alone?”
“It’s very important for us to know,” said the pro, who then summoned one of the local caddies.
“Go out with this gentleman,” said the pro, “his handicap is 16.”
The businessman was very surprised at the constant reference to his handicap. The caddie picked up the businessman’s bag and also slung a large rifle over his other shoulder. The businessman was surprised, but decided to ask no questions. They arrived at the first hole, a par four.
“It’s wise to avoid those trees on the left,” the caddie advised. Needless to say, the businessman hooked his tee shot into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out into the fairway when he heard a loud crack of the rifle. A large snake fell dead from a tree right above his head. The caddie stood next to him with the rifle still smoking. “That’s the Black Mamba, the most poisonous snake in all Africa. You’re lucky I’m here with you.”
After making bogey, they moved to the second hole, a par five. “Better avoid those bushes on the right,” the caddie warned. Of course, the businessman’s tee shot went straight into the thick bushes. As he went to get his ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddie’s rifle once again. A huge Cape Buffalo fell dead at his feet. “I’ve saved your life again,” said the caddie.
The third hole was a par three with a lake in front of the green. The businessman’s ball came up just short of the water. To hit his second, he had to stand with one foot in the water. As he was about to swing, a large crocodile lunged from the water and bit off much of the businessman’s right leg. As he fell to the ground, bleeding profusely and in great pain, he saw the caddie standing with the rifle propped at his side, looking on unconcerned.
“Why didn’t you kill it,” the man screamed.
“I’m sorry sir,” said the caddie. “This is the 17-handicap hole. You don’t get a shot here.”
And that, fellow golfers, is why you should NEVER lie about your handicap!