It’s that time of the year where you find all varieties of ghosts and goblins at the front door, looking for Halloween handouts.
Let’s take a break from real golf today and imagine that different PGA Tour players stop by. Which ones tricked us in 2018? Which ones treated us in 2018? This is a Trick Or Treat kinda day — Halloween 2018.
Brooks Kopeka: He’s the tough kid in the neighborhood, won two majors. He is a treat to watch. Should probably dress up as Superman, that would be most fitting. Ranked No. 1 in the world (for now). So let’s drop plenty of Kit-Kats and Hershey bars in his bag, only the good stuff for Brooks!
Dustin Johnson: With three wins (T of Champions, St. Jude, Canadian Open), it was a good year for D.J. Wondering when his next major win will show up. Otherwise, D.J. treated everyone, especially when Paulina is around. The two of them would make a dynamite pair dressed as vampires! Drop the good stuff in their goodie bags. Hey D.J., you can move along, Paulina can stay and help us hand out the goodies.
Tiger Woods: Tiger’s run up the rankings was simply amazing. The guy flat-out got after it, and he went all the way to 13, today he’s 14th. He gave us all the big treat with No. 80 at the Tour Championship. He was totally out of gas at the Ryder Cup. No surprise. Tiger doesn’t even need a costume. He can throw on the red and black and simply come as — Tiger Woods. We’ll drop a can of Monster Energy in his bag. He could have used some in France.
Justin Thomas: Pretty good year for J.T. Made it briefly to No. 1. Two wins, not a great year in the majors, however. He has a lot of game and gave good moments out there. Would probably fit well in a Harry Potter costume. Put nice goodies in J.T.’s bag.
Rory McIlroy: Rory was pretty much an underachiever last season. His driving is a treat to watch but the short game is, well, uh, you get the picture. Had a great chance to win the Masters but choked on Sunday. Made a late, entertaining run at the Open Championship and tied for second. MC at U.S. Open and T50 at PGA. Rory needs to get his short game in order if he wants to win another major. Perfect costume for Rory? A Leprechaun, of course. He’d look good on the Notre Dame sidelines. We’ll forego with the candy and drop a copy of the Dave Pelz Short Game Bible in Rory’s goodie bag — he can use it.
Justin Rose: Had time for a cup of coffee at No. 1. Was your 2018 FedEx Cup winner. Nice year. Would look good dressed up as a British private school headmaster. We’ll drop some proper English chocolates in his goodie bag.
Bryson DeChambeau: Breakout season. Breaks the mold, a very entertaining player, a bit on the slow side. His costume is a no-brainer — a Mad Scientist. Drop some of the good stuff in his goodie bag.
Francesco Molinari: Took a huge career step at Carnoustie. Put the icing on his cake at the Ryder Cup (Five and Oh so good). Can see him dressed up as an Italian Chef, and we’ll drop a bottle of champagne in his bag so he can continue the celebration from the team victory in France.
Tommy Fleetwood: Overall best player in Europe. Keeps improving, fun to watch, nice guy. Half of the lethal European two-man team in France. With that long, flowing hair, he can dress up as a Rock Star. Drop the good stuff in his goodie bag.
Jordan Spieth: What a sour season for Jordy. His once powerful game is on vacation, a long one. Didn’t even make the Tour Championship. Wondering what’s in store for him this season. We can see him dressed up along with Rickie Fowler, Jason Day and Xander Schauffele as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Sorry Jordy, but we’re throwing a pack of stale candy corn in your bag.
Rickie Fowler: Won Tiger’s tournament late last year. Finished second at the Masters, but no real wins for Rickie. Doesn’t matter, he’s always The Cool Kid In The Neighborhood. Everyone loves Rickie. Give him the good stuff, just because.
Bubba Watson: Bubba had an outstanding year but you’d never know it. He’s the biggest whiner on the PGA Tour. Hates playing in Europe. Bubba shows up appropriately dressed as a gnarly hillbilly and for his treat we’re dropping a pass for one free round at Le Golf National outside Paris into his goodie bag!
Phil Mickelson: Yeah, Lefty won in Mexico but disappeared the rest of the season and was beyond horrible at the Ryder Cup. He’s pimping that bogus $9 million match with Tiger. With that awful, out-of-control long hair he’s sporting, he’s a perfect Professor Snape from Harry Potter. Throw a bunch of losing lottery tickets in Professor Snape’s goodie bag.
Patrick Reed: Yeah, finally. Won the Masters, finished fourth at the U.S. Open and didn’t have another top 10 the rest of the year. Cried like a baby at the Ryder Cup then threw Jim Furyk and everyone else under the bus. Appropriately dressed as a bum because they burned his Captain America costume. We’re throwing a box of dried prunes in his goodie bag. Very fitting.
And the list could go on and on. Those were just a few of our Trick or Treaters.
Have a Happy Halloween!
