“Mommy, mommy, those mean men made us play a really, really hard golf course. They made us play in the weeds if we hit a bad drive, the greens weren’t perfect, the sand was sandy and when we missed greens they made it really, really hard for us to score. They were mean to us, made some of us shoot in the 80s, then it rained, then it was windy, it JUST WASN”T FAIR!!!”
That’s kind of what the players sounded like when they were griping about Shinnecock Hills last week but wait, there’s more:
“Oh sweetie, who were those mean men?
“Mommy, they were wearing these white shirts and ties with some sort of decoration on the ties! And mommy, guess what? They were so mean that they sent some of us home early and we didn’t get paid any money!”
“Oh honey, those were the USGA men, and you’re right, they are mean men. It’s okay, mommy’s gonna take care of you. Come to mommy, she’s got a really, really nice golf course for you in Cromwell, Connecticut, it’s one of mommy’s golf courses. It has really nice, wide fairways, if you miss one you won’t get in trouble like those mean men have on theirs and the greens will be nice and lush and soft. Mommy knows because even the 16-handicappers putt really well on mommy’s greens.”
Yes, the soreheads of the PGA Tour, those whiners, are back in mommy’s loving arms this week — “mommy” being the PGA Tour.
In case you haven’t noticed, the USGA tested players to the max last week and the best man won. Brooks Koepka is all that and a bag of chips. All he did was play and in the end, he won. “Mommy” is all about entertainment and sets her courses accordingly.
“It’s okay sweetie,” says mommy. “Come home to me and you can live life under par.”
Jack Nicklaus used to love to listen to guys gripe about a golf course. Reason was simple. He knew he didn’t have to worry about them playing well that week.
So Jordan Spieth, Rory McIlroy, Jason Day, Justin Thomas and Zach Johnson are back in mommy’s loving arms up there in Cromwell this week and it showed Thursday at the TPC River Highlands — one of “mommy’s” golf courses.
Jordan Spieth, who putted like an 18-handicapper last week and promptly missed the cut at Shinnecock, shot at nifty 63 back in “mommy’s” loving arms.
“I wouldn’t say it was big, I’m being positive about making progress. First rounds have been detrimental to me. The putter feels fantastic,” Spieth said after a first round 63 that got him a share of the lead at TPC River Highlands, a course where even whiners like Bubba Watson succeed.
Zach Johnson joined Jordy at the top with his own 63. Sixty-threes are welcome and encouraged at mommy’s golf courses.
It was Zach who boldly proclaimed “they lost the golf course” last Saturday at Shinnecock and Fox Sports rules guru David Fay countered with “that’s not the case, this is not 2004.”
Note that Spieth’s 63 was 15 shots lower than his first round at Shinnecock. Zach’s was 10 better.
Rory’s first round 64 was 15 shots better last Thursday at Shinnecock when he shot 80. Note there wasn’t a stitch of wind yesterday in Cromwell.
Jason Day shot 66 and that 13 less than he took last Thursday. Justin Thomas shot 66, eight less than he opened with at Shinnecock.
So yes children, your “mommy” understands and like a good “mommy” she is there for you.
And yes, “mommy” doesn’t like those mean men at the USGA either. They have a major and mommy doesn’t. They also made a boatload of money last week and mommy didn’t.
