They’ve been at it for weeks up there in the massive PGA Tour’s palatial headquarters with Jay Monahan and his gang of henchmen huddled behind closed doors, scratching their collective noggins and seeing how they might add some further confusion to the already confusing PGA Tour playoffs and the ensuing FedEx Cup Trophy winner.
You gotta hand it to Jay-Bird and his his gaggle of yes-men, they’ve really stirred the pot with this one.
On Tuesday, the old PGA Tour announced that these aren’t your father’s playoffs anymore and this isn’t your run-of-the-mill $10 million FedEx Cup trophy.
No, somehow they’ve greased the powers to be at Federal Express and told them that these changes absolutely, positively had to be made overnight — no time to spare.
So the first thing they’ve done is coerced, er, convinced Federal Express that $35 million is not enough money to spread around the tour’s top 30 players at the end of the year. After all, these guys are having trouble making ends meet and they need a raise — a serious raise. So Federal Express will dig deeper into its marketing coffers and throw out a little short of double that amount in 2018. How does $60 million sound?
Sounds really good if you’re one of the top 30 — hear that Jordan Spieth? No more loafing by you Jordy, we’re talking serious money next year.
Okay, but that wasn’t enough, there had to be more — that’s why Monahan hauls in the big bucks as Sherriff Of Nottingham aka PGA Tour Commissioner.
Monahan and the rest of the starched shirts were really perplexed by Xander Schauffele standing next to Justin Thomas at last year’s trophy ceremony.
Schauffele won the Tour Championship, J.T. won the overall FedEx Cup. How dare that Schauffele?
So with the playoffs now trimmed from four events to three next year — it looks like a winner-take-all situation at the Tour Championship.
So The Sherriff and his henchmen have stolen an idea from the USGA handicap system, you know — the one that rates all of us hacks who get out there and play $5 nassaus on the weekends.
Seems the No. 1 points-winner will start the Tour Championship at 10-under par. Wow, it’s as if that guy made four eagles and two birdies in the practice rounds and they’re counting them. The No. 2 guys starts at eight-under, No. 3 at seven-under, No. 4 at six-under and No. 5 at five-under par. Great.
Meanwhile, the guys who are No. 6-10 will each start four-under par. You with us so far? Pay attention, this is insane at best.
The 11th through 15th place guys start at three-under, 16th through 20 start at two-under, 21 through 25, one-under.
The unfortunate players who are 26 through 30, well, they start the way the PGA Tour starts all of its events, the way regular golf is played — they start at even par.
Wow, talk about a clusterfrak?
But wait, that’s not all — sounds like an infomercial for the PGA Tour, doesn’t it?
No, that’s no all.
Seems The Sherriff and his henchmen have also coerced Wyndham Hotels into forking over more money. It’s not bad enough that the Wyndham as the season’s last regular event is pretty insignificant to the top players in the world, the Tour has conned Wyndham into piling $10 million into a regular season “bonus pool” that pays $2 million to the winner of the regular season race.
So let’s sum this up for you.
The PGA Tour has basically turned the FedEx Cup playoffs into something that looks like an amateur competition.
Players will jockey for position at the Northern Trust and BMW then the final 30 go to East Lake and play in a handicapped event.
Which begs the question — is that really an official golf tournament. The PGA Tour says yes.
The folks who hand out world ranking points may beg to differ.
We thought that was just for amateurs.
The real pros in all of this are the money-sucking mafia-like leaders of the PGA Tour, who have convinced Federal Express and Wyndham Hotels that its a great idea to pony up $70 million.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is the Art Of The Hustle.