Stop the presses, stop everything. We get to hear from the world’s 172nd-ranked player, who will speak to us today after his pro-am round for the Memorial Tournament.
Yes, Tiger Woods, fresh off a couple of days at Chambers Bay, site of the U.S. Open in two weeks, will spend some time with the pen-and-mic club at Muirfield. Yes, that Tiger Woods, 172 in the Official World Golf Rankings, just ahead of Jaco Ahlers of South Africa and right behind No. 171 — Prayed Marksaeng of Thailand.
Let’s cut to the chase. No need to be there, Tiger rarely has anything earth-shattering to say at these pressers. So for your quick enjoyment, we present 10 of Tiger’s most over-used quotes:
1. “I’m close.” He’s been telling us that for seven years, hinting that his game is coming back.
2. “It’s a process.” This is his go-to quote to describe his adventures with whatever new swing coach he’s hired.
3. “I need more reps.” Tiger always needs more reps but seems to play in fewer events.
4. “The back is fine.” Sure it is.
5. “The knee is fine.” Always.
6. “I’ve been down this road before.” Unfortunately the road leads to him explaining why he’s changing his swing again.
7. “I’m doing this so I won’t get fined.” Tiger stole that one from Seattle Seahawk Marshawn Lynch.
8. “Winning takes care of everything.” For Tiger, there hasn’t been much of that lately.
9. “It is what it is.” Isn’t it?
10. “You’re a beauty.” Tiger’s go-to phrase when a member of the press asks him a question that totally pisses him off.
So what would Tiger say to us if he read this list?
“You’re a beauty.”